Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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