I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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