I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
