She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
