So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
