FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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