Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
