The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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