Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
