i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
