Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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