Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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