I'm going to jail i love you
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
