so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
