I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
