My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
