you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
