At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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