Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
