hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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