Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
