yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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