This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize