Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
