I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize