One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
