the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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