So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize