omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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