every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
