just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
