so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
