i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
