Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
