I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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