The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize