i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
