My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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