Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
