Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
