so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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