My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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