I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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