Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
