so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
