So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
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