I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
