Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
