dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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