If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
