Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
