i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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