she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
