Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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