bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
