I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
