Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
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