you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
