That's intense
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
