Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just gargled with NyQuil
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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