So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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