it's great music for shaving your balls
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
