i permit you to call me
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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