So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He better not be in your backpack
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
