I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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