i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
