life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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