batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
And then the night went full on bisexual.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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