I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We are all done wearing pants today
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
