Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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