Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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