I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
