it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize