I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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