I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
