Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
