Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm bleeding and have questions
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
