Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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