I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize