I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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