I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
we should paint friendship bongs
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