That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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