"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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