i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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