I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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